Proprieties of Priggish System: Guaranteed Success
Everyone has been frightfully busy.
Our editors aren’t the type to gallivant around town; instead, they meander through bookstores for the latest Chicago Manual of Style. John, a veteran at Editors4Writers, says everybody prefers the comforts of their office cell– I mean, cubicle. Hands, a pencil, and thoughts mired in anticipation plague employees 24/7.
The CEO gives our editors so much love; he considers us worthy of his adoration.
As such, a peephole ajar provides sustenance to keep old pedagogues in working condition. Maybe today will be the day a waft of air or a beam of light pities the blogger department. :’-)
Mr. CEO spoils everyone.
Companies have told the president to treat people with kindness and respect. Ha, preposterous! What do our competitors know about the inner workings of a successful business? Gossiping is a sign of jealousy.
The swarthy eyelids and bloodshot pupils of our editors bulge with exhaustion; however, they remain steadfast, resilient, and unnerved. They know what must be done. It’s a task that every editor must undertake to rescue the world from its iniquities: shoddy grammar, oppressed styles, and bad word choices.
(Whips thunder in the distance – “SLAM-BANG!” – followed by anxious scribbling and muttering.)
Oh my, someone must have dozed off. Tsk, tsk.
Our soul’s work as sequestered professionals is to offer quick editorial services. We revamp a work’s cadence, its syntax, its lexicon, and its lowbrow vernacular. We transform documents into ecclesiastical art that make anyone worthy of canonization.
Know this: Centuries from today, the mass exodus from all four corners of the earth will bi-annually convene to reconstitute your publications; your already departed greatness will be as palpable as when your footsteps once sauntered the ground; and your vestige will forever remain as prominent as the brightest star in the northern sky. With our team by your side, you will succeed; you WILL triumph.
This is our formula for guaranteed success.
Are you ready?
SLAM-BANG! SLAM-BANG! SLAM-BANG!
My word, Mr. CEO pays us too much. We’re not worthy. Please give us a pay cut pronto!
Continue Reading Message From CEO of Editors4Writers, Inc.
Cross-Cultural Comedy
Perhaps some of you would enjoy brushing up on your Mandarin. Michael, one of our editors, translated this performance today. Do you have a video in another language that you want us to translate? Let us know by posting your comments here.
Update:
The payment agency has approved our request. Now our marketing department is making headway into the Chinese market. Overall, business is faring well. Customers that switch over from our competitors arrive in droves each day.
Again, we thank you for your continued support!
When should I use “no” and “not”?
Today an editor of ours came across an intriguing question written by a student. When should I use the words no and not in a sentence? This is a great question. Some native English speakers give the usual, “You just know it’s wrong because it doesn’t sound right” explanation, but not our Mr. Daniels. He knows that a claim as unsubstantiated as this serves no usefulness to the inquirer; therefore, a question of this magnitude demands an informative response. Mr. Daniels got to work.
The student cited a cryptic passage from the bible: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
What do you think? The usage of the word not in this sentence–based on doctrines set forth by modern grammarians and linguists–would be classified as incorrect. What is their reasoning? “Have not love” means “without love” or “no love,” but this archaic structure confuses most 21st century readers and ESL learners. In situations as this where ambiguity is present, editors would revise the sentence to ensure comprehensibility.
Here’s the breakdown with Editors4Writers (your esteemed Grammar 101 professor):
We should replace “have not love” with “have no love.” The discrepancy in usage between “no” and “not” can be difficult for ESL and native learners alike.
Remember that no is an adjective that modifies nouns.
Not is an adverb that negates verbs and adjectives.
Here are some examples:
“This shirt is not blue.” Not negates the adjective describing the subject of the sentence.
“Students should not run.” Not negates the verb should run.
“There is no room for your backpack.” No modifies the noun room.
As such, love in the aforementioned biblical quote is a noun; therefore, the adjective no should precede it. Simple enough, right?
There are other rules that say not most often precedes articles and quantifiers of nouns, but what we’ve presented here is the basic gist of no and not. If you remember these simple rules, then you’ll have an easy time using them from here on out.
Well, until next time! Editors4Writers signing off.
New Design and Insight into Marketing
Some of you may have noticed the new design for our site. Yes, we also agree that this layout is a huge improvement from before. (Doesn’t it showcase our professional prowess swimmingly?) This update shouldn’t come as a surprise to many of you since our marketing department has been working tirelessly to further the company’s success.
That’s why you may have noticed sporadic improvements these past few weeks. They continue to bring us so many wonderful things. Gosh, but how do they come up with such amazing designs and slogans? Will they ever hire a celebrity to endorse us?
We’re in the dark just like everyone else. The editors and I often wonder what goes on behind the closed doors of marketing. We suspect a brainstorming session unique only to marketers…
Marketer #1: Okay! I have an idea to promote the company’s logo. Let’s use carrot juice. We’ll target children to sell our carrot juice. Carrots are orange. What can we use?
Marketer #2: The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
Marketer #1: No.
Marketer #2: Tigger from Winnie the Pooh: “The wonderful thing about tiggers, is tiggers are wonderful things, their tops are made out of rubber…”
Marketer #1: Uh…no.
Marketer #2: Orange polar bears!!
Marketer #1: What? No.
Marketer #3: Martha Stewart.
Marketer #1: Good! She epitomizes everything motherly–absolute honesty and innocence. It’ll work.
Marketer #3: Okay, but let’s make sure she also says things in a somewhat auspicious manner. It’d be nice if we can entice carrot juice drinkers in the federal prisons; our statistics show that it’s a booming market.
Marketer #1: Done. This is gonna be a success. Well, that’s enough work for one day.
Marketer #2: …Guys, I still think orange polar bears are the way to go.
I suppose we’ll never know how they do it. On behalf of everyone at Editors for Writers, we’d like to thank them for doing a fantastic job. Keep up the good work.
Hello world!
Hello, everyone! We, at Editors for Writers, are excited about our new blog. It is a pleasure to serve all of you. You should anticipate daily, weekly, and monthly updates about discounts, essay contests, and much more! We are quickly developing into a well-established editing and proofreading company. If you have any questions or would like to post comments about our site and services, then please feel free to express yourself here.
Again, Editors for Writers thanks all of you for your continued support.
Completed Events:
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